Captain Cook

When Field Marshall Haig unveils his cunning master plan to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin, Captain Blackadder decides that he is absolutely not going to go over the top, and as such tries to escape.

Plot
When Blackadder recieves word that 'The Big Push' is looming, he decides to do anything in his power to have no involvement. However, due to a somewhat incompetent private and an over-excited lieutenant, he fears this may be difficult - when he tells Lt. George that the push is looming, he cannot wait to charge. Blackadder demonstrates to George that this is not such a good idea - by throwing his hat above the trench line. It promply comes down riddled with bullets, but George is undeterred. Then word arrives that General Melchett requires Blackadder's immediate presence.

Upon arrival, Blackadder addresses his rival, the pen-pushing secretary to Melchett Captain Kevin Darling. Melchett promptly appears - clearly over ambitious, partially due to the fact he spends most of his time in a Fench chateau 35 miles behind the lines. Melchett requires Blackadder to find an artist to paint for the front of a British magazine commonly read at the front line. Blackadder does not like this magazine, so wants nothing to do with it - until Melchett tells him that the artist will be transported back to England to do his work there.

Back in the trenches, all three soldiers try to paint the best picture they can - Baldrick manages to paint something that he thinks was his breakfast. Blackadder has not done very well either, and George hasn't done anything. At Blackadder's bequest, however, George reveals he is actually a fine artist. Blackadder takes one of his pictures as sample, saying 'This is our ticket out of here!' However, when Melchett arrives to inspect the paintings - and question Baldrick about how he feels about the war - Blackadder takes credit for George's picture.

This turns out to be a bad move - Melchett, rather than shipping the trio back to Blighty, says they need to do a mission to paint the trenches as they look from no-man's-land. Due to incompetence of Baldrick's and George's parts, all three nearly get shot. Blackadder comes up with a plan to do an impression of it back at the trenches, but unfortunately George paints an elephant in the middle of the German trench.

This means that to get out of the trenches they revert to Baldrick's cunning plan - involving becoming chefs. Blackadder commends the plan, aside from one tiny hitch - Baldrick is a terrible cook.

Melchett and Darling are sittling down to dinner - and Melchett comments that the food tastes a little different. Darling explains that the Pope had required their chefs for something in the Vatican, and quite by chance, 3 Italian chefs were looking for work in the area. These chefs turn out to be Blackadder, Baldrick and George - no doubt using some of Baldricks dishes (including Rat au Van - a rat that was hit by a van, among other unappetizing delicacys).